What to say when it’s been so long? Eighteen years ago you made a decision that changed the course of so many lives. You were disconnected from Love, from the Source of the highest truth and compassion, and believed the lies your mind told you. Those that said:
“Your kids are better off without you.”
“You don’t deserve to be happy.”
“Life is not worth living.”
Your thoughts were wrong. And there wasn’t anything any of us could do to change them. After all, what you thought was your business. What happened that day was God’s business. Yet, what’s happened since for each of us, your four children, is our business.
I found my way with more than a few stumbles, scrapes and bruises. Because of that, I now help guide others through those dark, jagged tunnels. I see my life as a blessing because I feel my connection to the Source and it’s oh-so-beautiful, wise and loving. Each day is full of abundance and what keeps me centered is coming back to gratitude. You had a hand in that, and for that I thank you.
Your other children are finding their way in their own time at their own pace, as is the only way. Your second daughter will be a mother soon, her own son growing strong and vibrant in her swollen belly. She’ll soon have a deeper understanding of you that I won’t. And that’s ok, too.
Your sons have now spent more time without you in their lives than with. Most of their memories of you are borrowed from me sharing the details they’ve forgotten. They were so young.
As adults, I believe they’ve come to understand you and your decision better as well. They are not strangers to the temptations of believing their painful thoughts. How easy it is to let fear and self-doubt take the steering wheel. Yet, the finality of the consequences of traveling too far down that path keeps them with a foot on the brake.
While my prayer for them is to find peace, compassion and freedom from making your decision mean anything about their worth or lovableness…I also know that if that is the plan, it will unfold as it’s intended. It is not my business to make, insert myself or play rescuer. All I can be is support and do is ask questions that may lead them to insights. And of course, love them and remind them that they are infinitely loved.
I know you’ve found peace and reconnection with the Source, because at our core we are all Love and our soul knows its home is Love. When you stripped away your body’s thinking capacity, you opened the channel back to the energy that is One with all. One day we’ll all be together again, a pool of Love swirling and flowing together in harmony. Until then and especially on this Mother’s Day, know we are ok.
With love and light,